You and Me & Chasing Little G

infertility

"Pregnant!"

LIfe, InfertilitySabra GilbertComment

Written in December... But finished now. Oops!!


 

When I started blogging about my PCOS, I thought I was going to have a while to really be able to talk about it and the changes I was making and how it was affecting me.

But. . . Surprise, Surprise! PCOS didn't hold me down for long once I figured it out!!

Little G will be joining us in July 2018!

That's honestly while I've been MIA forever. I've had barely enough energy to work my full time job. Simeon has handled everything else and there is no way I could ask him to try to write a blog post for me on top of everything else. That poor man hates to write. 

I've finally started to get a little more energy now that we are starting into the second trimester! I can at least do things during the day without feeling like I'm going to die, though I still crash out by 10 any day that I work. 

How did we find out?

So in October, I was determined to try to figure out if I at least ovulated or not. Luckily my step-sister, who has also struggled with infertility, had gifted me her boxed kit of ovulation and pregnancy test strips after she found out she was expecting my little niece who is about to make an appearance! So I discovered that I did ovulate after only a few weeks of changing my diet around and using oils to support my hormones. But I didn't expect anything to come from knowing that I ovulated because it just felt too early in our journey to get that kind of a miracle.

But along came the time for my period to start, and I decided to take a pregnancy test anyway. Which was negative as I expected it to be.

And for the rest of the week, I was once again period-less but with a new crazy pain in my hips. LIke someone was shoving a knife through my pelvic bones constantly. It didn't matter if I sat down, laid down, stood up, I was in constant pain. I started googling like crazy what this could be. EVERYTHING I pulled up kept saying that I was pregnant and my pelvis was just expanding. Which I thought was crazy right after getting a negative test. So I ignored it for a few more days and kept googling "pelvic pain, NOT PREGNANT"

After nothing would even come up then, I decided to just take another test just to get it off my brain.

And it was postitive. 

It was about 7 am and Simeon was still dead asleep, but I ran into the bedroom and crawled back onto the bed, snuggled right next to Simeon's ear and whispered "We're pregnant."

To which he promptly replied "No we aren't. Go back to sleep."

He honestly didn't beleive me all day long! We ran to Target and got a Clearblue test (one that would say PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT) so that there would be no confusion. I took it as soon as I got home (which Simeon was against) and after a minute I ran into the living room waiving a test with the giant word PREGNANT. And had to copy that annoying clearblue commertial where everyone says pregnant in a high pitched squeal (maybe it's only annoying if you've been TTC forever, but it drives Simeon and I nuts).

And finally Simeon beleived me.

Getting Diagnosed with PCOS

InfertilitySabra GilbertComment

Well, there we have it. A beginning diagnosis to the years of pain and confusion that I've had so far on this journey. Someone was finally willing to see my history and give a diagnosis instead of a simple, "You're young, your body will figure itself out." Can you believe that I've actually had two doctors say that to me before? They weren't going to help me because Simeon and I had decided we wanted children young. I was 23 and we had already been trying for a year when I heard those words. They did simple blood tests but said everything looked normal, here take these pills to jumpstart your period this month and your body will do the rest.

Getting Diagnosed with PCOS || You & Me Chasing LIttle G

They were so wrong. Here I am two years later with all the same symptoms that I've always had and my new doctor looked at me and said: "We're gonna do a blood test to confirm, but just from that list, I'm positive you have polycystic ovarian syndrome."

And finally, I had an answer.

I didn't just have, "your body will figure it out" anymore.

I got, your body won't figure it out on your own, but you can do something about it. I don't have to watch all my dreams of carrying my own child go out the window. People with PCOS with weight loss and the right diet and exercise can naturally have a baby. My doctor even told me to take it one step further and go to an OBGYN who can also help with medication to get my body on the right track cause even he agreed that I'd waited long enough.

Now, since he is sending me on to another doctor, he didn't go into super detail on the differences that I should make. He mostly admitted that this isn't his expertise and he would prefer my OBGYN to go into detail. So he left me hanging.

And I started researching on my own.

PCOS can sound insanely scary. It not only leads to infertility but can increase my chances of heart attack and diabetes! It turns almost everything I eat directly into stored fat instead of energy. And to prevent this, many sites say to stop eating all of my favorite things.

Like no dairy, I really like dairy. I drink at least a glass of milk a day and adore cheese. And cottage cheese.

And no gluten, I have never understood how gluten could be bad for people. And now here I am, one of those people who can't have gluten.

Or sugar, do you know how hard it is to avoid sugar these days?

And I'm a picky eater. Which makes me terrified about what I'll eat now and how this will go. It's going to be a lot of trial and error and probably not doing everything perfectly. I'll probably still have some dairy here and there. And probably some gluten. And I can almost guarantee sugar. I can live without many processed foods, but bacon? that will be staying in my diet for sure. 

But its a start. I finally have some answers to start working on to correct. I can see a future again on this path where I had honestly started to give up hope. Even Simeon had noticed. I had started researching adoption and embryo adoption more and more.  But now I have hope again that we can have our own genetic little gilbert. Not that we will never adopt down the line, but it has always been my dream to carry our child. And I've wanted it so bad.

So, I'd love to hear any recipes you know of that are gluten, dairy, and sugar-free! I've also heard the Paleo or Keto diets work as well!

Have you ever had to majorly change your diet? 

#WifeTalkWednesday: Infertility Sucks

Wife Talk WednesdaySabra GilbertComment

So I've written before on #WifeTalkWednesday about how it sucks when people are invasive on your baby making plans, but I'm here to spill my guts about ours and mostly what fueled the previous article anyway.

When you've been married for over two years like Simeon and I have, people are constantly asking you when little baby Gilbert is going to come along. Which I was fine with when it started since I was hopeful that we would be announcing soon anyway. But then a few months went by, and then it was a year, and now Simeon and I are about to stare two years of infertility in the face.

That's right. Simeon and I have wanted a baby since about 5 months into our marriage. And here we are. Human baby-less,

If I'm going to be completely honest, I'm pretty sure that's why I've struggled to write on this blog in so long. Because the number one thing that I want to talk about, doesn't exist yet. I am dying to be a mommy blogger. Not a puppy mommy blogger (sorry Fox!) but a human mommy blogger. I also couldn't share this crazy bit of life truth until recently, when I really decided that it needed to be something I discussed openly and dealt with instead of just keeping it in and dealing with it personally.

Simeon isn't a big share-er person when it comes to such personal things. And he really didn't want me talking to anyone about our struggles for the longest time. Because HELLO baby making is INSANELY personal! And I don't blame him. But I suck at keeping things a secret. Especially secrets that really upset me to begin with. So we talked about me talking about it here and with those who didn't know that this was a struggle we had yet. And after a few discussions we figured it was something that was best for me. 


Infertility Sucks.jpg

Anyway, now that we have the whole backstory of why i'm coming out with this now, lets get back to the meat of the post/ Infertility sucking.

Infertility sucks. . .

because your are begging for a child. You see all the babies around you, in the blogging world and real. And you want it like crazy. To be a mother and wake up in the middle of the night with my baby. To be pregnant and feel those crazy kicks from inside of you. To dress up my baby in all the adorable outfits that I've put on my baby registry. (yes, I totally have a registry started, more on that later.)

Infertility sucks. . . 

because you become so ridiculously jealous of your friends who bring babies into this world. And when they make jokes that you don't want this in your life yet, it shatters your heart. You soak in the baby photos and all the funny little stories about how having a newborn sucks. And you wish they were your's instead. Then you feel like a horrible person for wishing that the roles were different. That you had a happy little accident on your hip instead of watching him on someone elses.  

Infertility sucks. . .

because you can no longer trust your own body. There have been so many times that I was so sure that I was pregnant. But I'm pretty sure that my excitement to be pregnant, I gave myself the symptoms that I was most begging for.  But for that, my own body has disappointed me so many different times. Even when i was telling myself there was no way I could be pregnant, I would still hold just a pinch of faith that maybe I was wrong. Maybe my body figured it's own nonsense out and had somehow ended up pregnant even though it wouldn't have worked.

Infertility sucks. . .

because it isn't the diagnosis. It's a symptom of something else being wrong. So far, none of my doctors has figured it out yet. But they also haven't spent much time trying to figure it out. So far, I've gotten a lot of "you're young, it can't be anything too serious. Here try this simple thing and your period will magically appear again." And it does. For a month and then disappears again. Which if you are trying to make a baby it is insanely important that your body cycle predictably. But whatever.

Infertility sucks . . .

because it shakes your faith in the one who rules your life.  It's easy to cast blame on someone who won't look you directly look you in the eye and tell you that you're full of it.  It's easy to avoid the messages that he could be trying to get to you otherwise. Avoid the bible. Stop looking at the faith inspirational instagrams that you love. Avoid the extremely strong in their faith infertility bloggers that you love. Ignore every prompting that is God begging you to come back to him and believe in his timing. Which is true. I do. One of my deepest sins is in believing that I can do what God can't. That I can will myself to be pregnant on my timing instead of waiting for God to bless me with a child. I stomp around like having a child is a right and not a privilege that God gifts.