So this is a question that I think I have been struggling with all year basically.
Who am I?
How do others perceive me?
How have I changed?
I know who I used to be, but should I still try to be that girl or should I embrace the new, quieter, more unsure of my future girl that I have turned into.
I haven't really even known how to approach this whole topic on my own and have really just been letting it slide, until today when it decided to bug me the most.
I watched three completely crazy girls on my hall go running loudly through the snow and just generally being obnoxious in front of a few guys who they were hanging out with. I remember being like that in high school. Attention seeking. Always wanting to be in the center of everything. Loud. Crazy.
It was fun, I'll admit it. But should I feel sorry that I'm not like that anymore? Or should I continue to grow up in my Faith, in myself, and become an adult? I think sometimes I wish I was still that overly confident, crazy, always wanting to have fun girl that I was in high school. But I know why I have changed and I accept that it is the better path for me that I have changed so much in the last three years.
Most people might try to tell me that I changed for Simeon. Cause it has been in the time that I have been with him that I have changed so much. That's wrong.
Some people will probably say its because I went off to college, and yes that is probably a part of why I have changed so much. But it's not the main reason.
I think that the main reason that I have changed so much is because I found Christ.
Since I have found Christ, I haven't seen such a big reason to draw so much attention to myself for others to approve or disapprove of me. I have found that knowing Christ has given me a different kind of confidence that only relies on one thing and that is who I am in His eyes.
I was doing a little personal study on Identity tonight and here are the three verses that really stuck out to me.
Jeremiah 29:11| For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
This verse gives me confidence that I don't have to have it all together on my own. If something falls apart or if something works the way that I had wanted it to, its all for a reason. God has my future in His hands, and while He still wants me to work for it, He will make it happen in the end.
Not me and my plans.
Ephesians 1:4-5| For He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship though Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.
I'm not a Christian because I decided one day on my own to become one. Trust me, my story wasn't an easy one. I was chosen by God to love Him. Once again, God is showing that He will get me through anything because He has already figured out my life for me.
And isn't it wonderful that God would choose me! Who needs and craves the acceptance of other people, when the Almighty God has already chosen me?
Ephesians 2:19| Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God's people and also members of his household.
I feel like I've learned that not always fitting in is normal. According to God and the Bible, this isn't my perminant home, so why should I be 100% comfortable in it? It's ok to feel slightly out of place because this isn't my home.
Heaven is my forever home.
I know some people view my external change as something being wrong and that I shouldn't be changing the way that I am, but I'm content with the changes that I have made in my life. I no longer make completely irational and crazy choices, just because I think I will gain some kind of acceptance from it. And I think by growing comfortable in my faith with Christ, I've learned that my plans that I may have had since I was in middle school may not actually be the right ones for me.
It all matters your perspective on the changes that are made.
I think God is changing me into the person that He wants me to be each and every day. Sometimes, others can help influence the change, but no one has convinced me that this is who I need to be to please them, except for Christ.