I've been finding it very difficult to write lately. There are posts that I know that I want to write, but fear still seems to grip me. Fear that I'm oversharing, or that what's going on my life isn't really what anyone wants to hear anymore. Fear that I won't have the perfect blog post that will resonate with anyone or that I won't have the perfect graphic to get people to read my story and know they aren't alone.
Yes, I've already talked openly about our struggles with #ProjectBabyG, but that doesn't make it any less scary every time I go to spill my guts on it again. Saying it out loud (even just through my fingers to the internet world) that we are struggling makes every moment more real. It makes me look down at the date and realize just how long we've been trying to do this.
I would love to be a resource for the many women out there struggling just as I am, as a few blogs have been in the past for me. I say in the past as these woman now have bouncing babies covering their blog post pages, which is amazing! Don't get me wrong, I've very very happy for these women, but they don't struggle alongside me anymore. I do love that one has walked alternate paths that Simeon and I plan to do so seeing how it looked for her is amazing. But that is a story for another day.
Does anyone even want to hear about a person struggling anymore? Even if they are struggling with the same things? Everywhere I turn, blog posts, instagram post, pintrest feeds are all being curated to perfection. And apparently that is the only way to survive in this blogging world anymore. I'm not really a fan.
I'd rather be authentic with you and show the true mess that I live in every day. Cause let's be honest, I work full time and live with a husband, dog, cat, AND a chinchilla. And a fish who gets forgotten a lot. And with the struggles of not being able to have a baby when I want to so bad, sometimes I just don't want to do anything but wallow or cuddle my fur babies and try to be grateful for the babies I've been blessed with.
I guess in all honesty, qhat I'm saying is that my mind is 100% full of everything that is no longer cool in the blog world. I don't want to give you mindless tips on how to do blah and blah. Cause there are too many how to blog posts anyway. I want to give you real posts. What I'm doing to emotionally prep for #ProjectBabyG. How I really balance full time work with loving my animals, caring for a home and hubby in grad school, and still try to find time to keep sane. Surviving all of my friends and family being prego without unfriending every single one.
I will try to not make everything so long winded and deep, I'll try to have a few light hearted posts as well. But I need to just start writing again. And remember what it's like to write for myself instead of just writing for everyone else.