You and Me & Chasing Little G

Things that Drive Me Crazy| Part 2

Sabra GilbertComment
It's my blog and I can complain if I want to, complain if I want to, complain if I want to
(hummed to the tune of It's my Birthday and I Can Cry If I Want To)

To be honest, reading "response" articles sometimes drives me crazy. Especially when the response is basically to just tear the other person who actually was only writing about something in their life and trying to show support for something that has been a positive thing in their life.

I was going to be vague in this post, but honestly, I have something to say about the original article and the response article.

The original article was about a Stay-At-Home Mom who has discussed and figured out with her husband (the only person who really should have any opinion about what is going on) that she should get what they (and apparently others who she leaves un-named in the article) call a "Wife Bonus." When her husband receives his 6-figure bonus at the end of the year, there is a percentage of it that she receives to do whatever she pleases with. It isn't based on her performance during the year, but as a type of salary for everything that she does to make his work-life balance a little easier.

As a wife who is starting to think that for some period of time, it would work to be a stay at home mom, but I have one giant insecurity about it. I already feel awkward that Simeon makes more money than me so I sometimes feel uncomfortable buying things for myself when I know Simeon hasn't gotten something for himself in a while. Even though it is just a difference between us, I like shopping and getting new things, while Simeon can feel fine wearing something until it is crazy worn out or he can't find any more uses for it, it still never sits right with me until he says that it's ok.

Which then puts me in the awkward situation that I then feel like I'm asking my husband permission to spend my money as well. The woman who wrote the Wife Bonus article shared that she felt the same things when she stopped working her job to become a stay at home mom to her daughter while they had to travel to different places for her husband to follow where his work sent him. She was no longer making money and felt awkward that she hadn't earned what she was spending. This Wife Bonus is something that she feels that she works hard all year to earn and is something that is hers to spend as she pleases.

The response article automatically rubbed me the wrong way by insulting the person who wrote the initial article. It felt to me right away that she was just jealous because of what the original article woman was spending her Bonus on. I tried to continue reading the article but it just made me more and more angry. The things that she were listing as what were her "wife bonuses" were the basic things that if you are going to be a stay at home mother, you should just plain expect your husband to provide for you. And that was all she felt she deserved at the end of the day. The basics.

It really felt like it was just a shaming article that the first woman didn't deserve to expect more for just being a stay at home mother. There was also a support comment made while this second article was shared on Facebook that just seemed extremely ignorant. Support your friend or the blog that you love, but read the original article before you make claims about the woman that you didn't try to understand what kind of a situation the first woman was in. She claimed that the first woman had never worked or had to support a family. The first woman started her article within the first few paragraphs saying that the bonus came about because she was used to working for the money that she spent and now she wasn't out there making money and she didn't just want to spend her husbands money on herself.

I think Stay-at-Home mothers do crazy hard work. They don't really get a break when the house is constantly being torn apart by their own crazy little offspring, who the mothers are also having to chase to make sure the kids are getting all of their needs met. SAHM's don't get to be selfish that often because they are caring for everyone else. I think that is a perfect reason a SAHM to get to go on a shopping spree all by herself and only have to worry about what she wants.

The fact that she is able to buy designer things with her 5-figure year end bonus has nothing to do with the concept of the wife bonus. It shouldn't be insulted just because it is something that you apparently don't believe that you deserve or that you couldn't get designer things from what you would get as a bonus if you got one.

Another things that drove me crazy was that one of the points of the original article was that she didn't understand why so many of the other people that she knew received wife bonuses, were so ashamed of showing off the items that they received or bought as wife bonus. The first author was trying to expose more of the world to this thing and try to break down the barriers of having a stigma against the whole wife bonus idea. And then, the second author went running in to shove it all into the box again.

As I've discussed before, I really get tired of people not letting other people share their own opinions. While I am not always going to agree with others, I will still let them speak their mind. I also think that it is crazy important to, if you are going to share you opinion on a concept, to attack the concept and not the person.

Now I know that I might seem like a hypocrite at first glance of this post, but I have not attacked a single personal thing about the second woman. I have shared the feeling that I got from her article.

I would love to hear your opinions about these articles!

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